Welcome to the first installment in my blog series on “Coaching is Magic” by Katie Cleary, an online personal development course featured on Udemy. This blog post corresponds with module one’s pony, Rainbow Dash. Here, I’ll be posting some of my own thoughts and reflections as I go through the module. To get the full scoop, I invite you to sign up for the free class on Udemy and join in!
What Does It Mean to Be Unapologetically Who You Are?
This is an important question that Katie poses in this module. I see people misinterpret this all of the time to mean something along the lines of amplifying all behaviors, including those that are appropriately and rightly discouraged. Amplifying all behavior is not being “you” as your best self; This is an amplification of the ego. It is a lazy interpretation that requires the broad lifting of all filters, instead of using appropriate discretion on which filters currently used that are unnecessary or unproductive.
In my opinion, being “unapologetically who you are” actually means disallowing unnecessary filters driven by fear or negative core beliefs to hold you back from living your truest form of self. This does not mean to increase rigidity and stubbornness around opinions and or to become pushier or more demanding with beliefs. It also does not mean to expect others’ forgiveness. In short, being “unapologetically you” is not a hallpass to act any which way you desire with high expectations that the world should just accept your behavior, consequence-free. Analysis of which filters serve you greatest, either by being present or not being present, is critical to being unapologetically you and long-term success in manifesting your best self.
The task to be “unapologetically you” implies that you are currently using a filter or two that is unnecessary and causing you to hold yourself back. In a sense, the path that you are currently choosing isn’t manifesting your best self. There are varying degrees to how much this applies, ranging from being totally inauthentic, to holding yourself back in one area.
Who Are You Apologizing To?
When reflecting, I start with the questions, (1) “Who am I apologizing to?” and (2) “What am I apologizing about?”/What behavior am I filtering?” On the first question, I always end up with the same answer: “myself”.
I apologize to myself for deviating from the norm and causing my self more hassle by following my natural way of processing information. In a sense, I’m saying “I’m sorry that my differences are not along the lines of the straightest path or path that requires the minimal amount of effort or time”. Sometimes I go from A to C just to get to B, instead of just going from A to B.
In essence, I’m apologizing to my love of efficiency, which is also my lazy side. Think they’re unrelated? Think again. “Laziness”, with a readiness to act, is one of my greatest strengths because I can reduce one issue to the least amount of steps, with the least amount of effort and resources, freeing me (and/or my team) up to pursue other interests.
What Are You Apologizing About?
To answer the secondary question, “What am I apologizing about?”, I dig a bit deeper. I often suffer from choice fatigue, that is, going back and forth over several options available to try to find the “best” way to do something. In a situation of many, many choices, my quest for efficiency is almost paralyzed by the amount of “good-enough” options. In my apologetic mode, I become frozen, unable to make a decision. In my unapologetic mode, I accept “good-enough” as being truly good-enough, recognizing that the most important action of this sequence is (1) to make a decision and (2) to put action behind it.
Being unapologetically me absolutely requires action and, sometimes, not the most efficient action. Many times I find myself in situations where I want a birds’ eye view, but I don’t have the means of getting any higher than a step stool’s climb. This obstructs my ability to assess appropriately, but instead of allowing it to paralyze me, I should trust the value of what my instincts say after what assessment I can do and explore where the chosen route leads.
Sometimes, the route I take to get there just isn’t going to be efficient or even in the direction that I thought it would go. But, I can find value in that, if midway through I see a more efficient route to the same outcome, I am competent enough to spot it and can always change course.
What does it mean to be apologetically me? It means to trust that I am bigger than any challenge in my way. And that I will not apologize to myself for being unable to fortune-tell the absolute best outcome.
Those are a few reflections of my own from this week’s module. As before, to get the full course material and keynotes, join the class, “Coaching is Magic”, on Udemy. Its free! Also, check out more on Unicorn University at the website coachingismagic.com. If you’re curious as to how I know Katie or why I was drawn to this course, check out my first blog post in the series, here, “Ponies for Personal Development!”
Stay tuned for next week’s musings on module two, where I’ll be discussing thoughts on Apple Jack.